Last month an old client emailed out of the blue to talk to me about facilitating another professional development workshop. Instead of responding right away to accept the gig (because chances were I had the time), I let it sit. And there I sat as my initial indifference started to brew into anxiety. Just minutes later my cell phone rang, and it was the client again, leaving a message this time asking to talk. I burst into tears and immediately felt better because with that release came clarity: I am not the same person that my client hired less than a year ago.
There was a time, you see, when I took external interest in my work as validation not merely of the work itself, but of my value as an individual. I don’t want to return to being that person. And a part of me was really scared that by re-entering that world I’d left behind, I’d somehow backslide. How far I’ve come when a call from a client no longer gives me affirmation that I have value in this world!
So what did I do? Well, I sat and meditated for a little bit, reflected on what was happening inside of me, and realized two things: First, I couldn’t really decide if this was or was not for me until I knew what sort of training my client wanted. Once I had those details, I could better feel into the opportunity before me, and choose whether or not to take it. Second, should I decide to pick up the contract, I would step into the work with utmost integrity. If I could get enough freedom in the program planning to fit their training needs within my own interests and methodology, then I would do it. Otherwise, I knew I could easily walk away, having nothing to prove to myself or to others.
The view of the crossroads piqued my curiosity enough to respond with genuine enthusiasm to my client. Suffice it to say that everything worked out really well. The workshop itself is its own blog post, but for now let me say that returning to familiar ground with new energy can provide such a deep and rewarding learning experience, not only because it shows how far you’ve come or can open up other doors for you. Both those cases may certainly be true, but most profoundly revisiting old settings—be they professional, social or familial—gives you the chance to express and affirm who you are in this moment. And that is what really matters in the grand scheme of things.
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