Someone asked me for an Akashic Records reading on a relationship recently and at the very start, when I sent the other person’s name out into the akash, nothing pinged back. As a novice reader this used to freak me out, but I eventually learned that this simply meant we Read more…
The tools I share are really effective in helping you shift your energy in one way or the other. Some are really handy (many of my meditation tools can be used while you’re out walking to the train or are actually riding the subway), while others require more quiet and reflection. Other as Mirror of Self falls into the latter category. It is worth the work, however, because in my opinion (and from experience bringing it repeatedly into Dreamers & Schemers), this is one of the most incisive ways to identify your growth edge (which is another way to say “your issues”), and work through your issues from an angle that goes beyond the usual fodder of talk therapy.
In other words, this is not just about identifying your wounded inner child and blaming it on some external cause, but taking for your ALL emotional reactions. This might sound hard or yucky because it’s a lot easier to blame other people for how you’re feeling, but once you get the hang of it, you’ll find this to be a tremendously useful and empowering life skill!
To be perfectly honest, learning this process was no cake walk, and I experienced a lot of tough love from my Akashic Records learning to do this. I spent months in resistance, clinging to my anger and self-righteousness, until one day something shifted in me and I experienced the transformative power of this habit of mind. This is a habit, so it gets stronger with practice. When it becomes second nature, you will ask yourself why you spent so much time suffering over something you actually had control over: your own emotional reactions.
If you’re feeling resistance now, take a moment to soften and open yourself to something new. Yes, we’ve all heard some variation of the old chestnut that you can’t control others, you can only control your reaction to them. Sure, you’re thinking, easier said than done. But let me break down the process into manageable steps so you can see that this is actually easier than you think. (more…)
Why Dreamers & Schemers? Because we are what’s born in the dark.
Why Dreamers & Schemers? Because we are what’s born in the dark.
I’ve been reticent to blog about my work with the AdoptMent group because they’re a younger set and I’m more protective of their privacy. This is a transitional year, not just within the program, but also in the lives of each of these young people. In my first session with them this school year, we returned to the tasks of adolescent development, but instead of focusing broadly on the topic of identity, this time we talked about personal values and relationships, especially how to strike a healthy balance between independence and connectedness.
Last spring I used Zits comics to get the conversation started. We returned to two strips that dealt specifically with identity exploration, and was really pleased that they all retained the biggest lesson from last spring’s identity self-portrait activity, namely that at this early stage in life staying true to yourself is overrated, and identity crises are actually a healthy part of psychological development.
From that group review, everyone paired off with their mentors to discuss comic strips treating the developmental tasks related to autonomy, relationships, and values. The mentors had handouts that indicated the tasks displayed in each strip, but the mentees first had to work on inferring the topic from the material. The second step in the exercise was to reflect on how they were progressing in each of those tasks. I got to eavesdrop on a lot of wonderful stories about how these young people set up challenges for themselves (e.g., earning the money and planning transportation for a solo trip to New Jersey), and noted how their relationships to their parents were in transition.
The final part of the workshop had everyone select one particular developmental task that posed a significant challenge to him or her. (more…)
“You can be in love and still have a life, you know? You can build something.”
—Jennifer Egan, The Invisible Circus
One of the really brilliant aspects of Egan’s treatment of her protagonist’s coming of age is its depiction of teenage watchfulness. At 18, Phoebe reads the world and the people around her for clues on how to build a life and make connections. Unsurprisingly, romantic relationships are a particular point of fascination for her. Here is Phoebe, spying on her sister’s former high school sweetheart and his fiancée as they hunt through apartment listings in the paper:
Carla exclaimed at something she’d found, set down her cigarette and circled the item with a stubby pencil, her other hand groping for Wolf as if for a pair of glasses or a cigarette pack, finding his wrist without lifting her eyes from the paper. The gesture transfixed Phoebe—the inadvertence of it, the thoughtlessness. Wolf rose from his chair and leaned over her, his chest to Carla’s back. He kissed her temple, breathing in her smell while his eyes perused whatever it was she’d found in the paper. The sheer ordinariness of it all confounded Phoebe, as if any one of these things might happen several times a day, with no one watching. They belong to each other, she thought, and found herself awed by the notion—knowing someone was there, just there, reaching for that person without a thought.
Phoebe, trying to wrap her head around the difference between this calm vision of domestic partnership and the wild, youthful romance she saw Wolf share with her sister, asks him how those two relationships compare. He answers, You can be in love and still have a life, you know?
The highlight of any given week is easily whenever one of my advisors visits me at the Alley. You can imagine my elation when all three arrive together: magic happens! I just finished typing up the minutes to our last Minds On Fire advisory meeting and can’t help marveling at everything Read more…