When clients ask me about forgiveness, my response is almost always “Don’t force it. When the time is right you will see there is nothing to forgive.” To get to this point, however, you have to come to a place of neutrality—that strong, stable, yet expansive space within. From your divine center, your sense of well-being does not depend on external circumstances. This inner light, the core of your Brilliant System, is the very definition and experience of unconditional peace, love, and joy.
A couple days ago I experienced a deepening of this lesson. As I was sitting in meditation, I was nudged to do Ho’oponopono on a relationship with a loved one whom I judged as someone who “disappointed me.” I was surprised because I thought I had fully forgiven this person and accepted them for who they were. Yet here was my inner guidance offering me the opportunity to apologize. For what?
Curious and willing, I let the energy of Ho’oponopono suffuse my being, and suddenly I was overwhelmed with the sudden knowing that I was asking for forgiveness for being upset at the role of this loved one in my growth. The possibility that I could still be “disappointed” after all these years pointed less to that person’s shortcomings, than to an area in my being still impoverished and asking for healing.
Once I understood this at the level of consciousness, I experienced a rush of gratitude. “I’m so sorry I vilified you. I love you. Please forgive me. Thank you for being one of my greatest teachers.”
I have said this before, but it bears repeating: I take responsibility for my own triggers. In a time when the public discourse is filled with talk about policing the thoughts, words, and behaviors of others, and when we ourselves are so scared of offending, or are so quick to be offended, the time is ripe to turn that gaze inward and find those dark little places that are asking to come into strength. This is what it means to examine all the places where you are “giving away your power.” There is no sustainable source of power in victimhood. We transform ourselves before we “change the world.”
To be clear, this does not mean everyone deserves a medal for being a great human being. It simply means that you begin to take full ownership for your own well-being, not to become indifferent to the world, but so you can become crystal clear as to how you truly feel, think, and need to act in a situation. You will know whether you wish to turn the page on a relationship, either by redefining boundaries, ending it, or starting from a clean slate. You will know what battles are yours to fight, and how to keep moving forward without wearing yourself out or getting discouraged by the “State of Humanity.”
There is a beautiful arc here: from being asleep to wrongs, to fear in addressing them, to righteous anger, to forgiveness, and finally, to apology and an expansion of unconditional love. Be gentle with yourself. Don’t force the timing. Just keep the intention to deepen in love, remember to stay open and breathe into your center, and life will help you along. You are equipped with a Brilliant System. You were built for this.
I leave you with the sacred words of Ho’oponopono:
I’m so sorry.
I love you.
Please forgive me.
I thank you.