I’m choosing to write this rather personal post on this public blog because so much of the work I do in the world is fed both directly and indirectly by the work I do internally. This year has brought a steady stream of learning opportunities, and while they did not Read more…
[This was never meant to be a grief blog, but all I really want to write about these days is my dad. Thank you for bearing with me as I get things sorted.] Over the past few days some of my young people used the word ‘motivator’ to describe the Read more…
Today I remembered the root of my obsession with birds and why I connect their flight to self-discovery. My dad gave me this book back in 1986(!), and I am only now beginning to understand the profundity of the lessons within. Miss you horribly today, Dad, but I hope you Read more…
On your birthday a few months back, I wrote to thank you for some of the many things you taught me, and I really should have included a lot of the things you tried to teach me: skills I refused to learn in my teenage obstinance and lessons I wasn’t yet prepared for. (These I will confess only to you in whispers.)
This weekend I tried hard to sift through our thirty(!) years together to identify the single greatest gift you’ve ever given me, but, boy, this trip to Michigan was a real doozy. We experienced all the seasons of life and every purpose under heaven in less than 72 hours. It was a challenge just getting to the end of my sentences.
This morning, though, waking up in the quiet of my own bed, I received the clearest thought I’ve had in days. (more…)
Well, I promised to follow up my last post with some good news, and I know that at least one of my readers will be disappointed that she won’t get to read about the sense of optimism I feel in the air just yet. Instead, I’m gonna hang out on my soapbox for a little while longer because I’m still working through my irritation.
Last night’s Teens in Foster Care panel was very odd. I think the organizers felt like everyone in the room was on the same page regarding permanency for youth in care 14 and older (roughly 3600 of New York City’s 12,000 children in the system). Funny thing though: I don’t think the panel realized how deeply their message conflicted with one of their guest speaker’s most important points. …And then things got even worse.
Let’s do this good/bad/ugly style.
THE GOOD
Cris Beam. CRIS BEAM. I’d seen her give a reading to a group of young writers back in December, so I’d already heard the whole spiel of how a teenaged daughter entered her life with the suddenness of an unplanned pregnancy. Tonight, however, Beam came with a stronger agenda and she prefaced her reading by dropping some data.
Here’s some straight from NYC ACS: Between the ages of 14 and 15 only 17% of young people in foster care wish to exit the system as an independent adult. By the time they reach 17, however, the percentage of youth who wish to age out to independent living rises to 94%. That means that by 17, only 6% of young people in foster care want to be adopted.
Recently I’d been thinking a lot about how this work uplifts me. On Twitter I had some wonderful conversations with advocates in the special ed and autism community about the public misperception that the populations we work with are depressing. “I could never do the work you do” is often coded language for “I could never work with those people.” It’s offensive, especially considering the fact that what’s dispiriting and draining about this work has virtually nothing to do with the people we serve.
You know what does get me down? On one level it’s the larger institutional, economic, and social structures that present significant challenges to our young people. If I dwell on them too much, it makes me lose my sense of humor. Some days I wake up wanting to punch somebody. I wish I could say that my advocacy springs from a generous Dalai Lama-esque capacity to love all my fellow human beings, but I’m not there yet. The truth is, my sense of purpose and outrage is very personally rooted. I’ll say this much: many of the stories I hear about children in foster care resonate with me.
1. Cull the holiday card list. When it comes to letter writing, I am devoutly old fashioned. I don’t send out professional photos of my family or type up mass letters informing you of my vacations and accomplishments for the year. If I send you a holiday greeting, it means Read more…
I’ve been reticent to blog about my work with the AdoptMent group because they’re a younger set and I’m more protective of their privacy. This is a transitional year, not just within the program, but also in the lives of each of these young people. In my first session with them this school year, we returned to the tasks of adolescent development, but instead of focusing broadly on the topic of identity, this time we talked about personal values and relationships, especially how to strike a healthy balance between independence and connectedness.
Last spring I used Zits comics to get the conversation started. We returned to two strips that dealt specifically with identity exploration, and was really pleased that they all retained the biggest lesson from last spring’s identity self-portrait activity, namely that at this early stage in life staying true to yourself is overrated, and identity crises are actually a healthy part of psychological development.
From that group review, everyone paired off with their mentors to discuss comic strips treating the developmental tasks related to autonomy, relationships, and values. The mentors had handouts that indicated the tasks displayed in each strip, but the mentees first had to work on inferring the topic from the material. The second step in the exercise was to reflect on how they were progressing in each of those tasks. I got to eavesdrop on a lot of wonderful stories about how these young people set up challenges for themselves (e.g., earning the money and planning transportation for a solo trip to New Jersey), and noted how their relationships to their parents were in transition.
The final part of the workshop had everyone select one particular developmental task that posed a significant challenge to him or her. (more…)
This week has brought a mixed bag of emotions for me, much of it having to do with my holiday habit of taking stock of the people who have moved in and out of my life over the year. Below are two dear men whom I’ve been fortunate to meet Read more…
While I agree with the significance of taking small steps towards a large goal, I wonder how we can lay out a larger map for our young adults to understand the short and long term processes of pursuing passions and earning a living.