Looking back on so many of the strange and surprising lessons of last year—learning I had not consciously called in but which came to me loud and clear anyway—I see how few of my external 2019 “goals” turned out because my energy took a sharp turn inward at the start of summer. Just when the northern hemisphere was entering into peak activity, I became a hermit—again, feeling out of step and out of time with the collective. Yet I was in integrity with my own rhythm, for I am nothing if not a devoted student of the Brilliant System. I dive into the flows that come for me. I may not understand the what or the why till much later, but they delight me as the gifts of an intelligence greater than mine. Even with all my training in research and teaching, I could not have designed these periods of learning better myself.

I now see how so much of it was preparation for this year, especially the skill of holding my center in paradoxical tension and expanding past polarity. One of the things I learned in the sudden roominess of my being was that our true coordinates are much “farther out” than the average human thinks they are or ought to be. You might be a dreamer, ambitious to the bone, but trust me, all your imaginings pale in the face of where your higher intelligence, in sync with the larger flow of creation, wants to take you.

One of my fascinations with the Akashic Records is the structure of questions and answers. I like to say my practice really took off my when my question journal started coming alive and I didn’t have to formally open a session with the Records to get answers. My life, as it were, became integrated with the practice, and it got to the point where I would simply write the question down and the answer would already make its way to my consciousness.

Just a couple days ago it struck me that all that learning that came in last year and continued through this winter—including my weird decision to take voice lessons, which really meant me nerding out with my teacher about breath—were all answers anticipating questions I had yet to ask. My mind, as it were, is just now catching up to the conversation. 

There had been a deeper organization to my seemingly random life all along. For the past several years I’d learned and grown so much by calling in my lessons in and receiving new states of being through my manifestation mantra process, yet now I feel I’ve moved into a new flow, where I am more surrendered to what life wants to give me rather than what I ask of it. It is the difference between facing ever new mountains to climb and simply standing still as the road rises to meet me.

I suspect this way of living has been available to me all along, and it is simply my level of awareness, openness, and trust that have shifted. And since I am no more special than anyone else, this way of being is available to anyone who wishes to devote themselves to this path if it calls them.

But it does take devotion, by which I mean, a deep yearning you feel at the center of your being to truly know the nature of Self and creation. You are willing to do anything, including walk away from everything you know and find comfort in, to access truth. The moment this happened for me felt like flipping the chess board of my life and letting the pieces fall where they would. Nothing, including my marriage, was too sacred a cow to remain untouched by the transformative fires.

Friends, these are sacred times. Any time of great change is an opportunity to discover who you truly are. We are doing this now on a planetary level. Imagine the momentum available to us for collective change. If it feels like a storm it is simply because you are getting used to scaling up. If you’ve been frantically trying to pin your little tent down in these times, see what it might be like to let a little air in. I’m willing to bet you’ve placed those stakes in such a way that stifles the flow of your greater being.

This is your chance to tap into the juicy marrow of life. Take a break from the duality of “survive” vs “thrive.” Just live. I’m talking about feeling truly A L I V E, being truly present with yourself, showing up for life, and being with the splendor of What Is. You don’t have to go anywhere exotic for this. Right in the confines of your own home, you will find shelter in your Self. The key? Your breath.


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