Yesterday I started writing about what the grounded peace of engagement feels like, and today we’ll unpack more about what it means to ground more fully into yourself. Earlier this fall I shared that I was starting to feel more roominess than usual, and that even though I felt very formless, in that in-between stage between caterpillar and butterfly, I didn’t feel the need to protect myself as I had in the past during similar periods of transition and transformation. Rather than feeling vulnerable, I felt surprisingly grounded even in the midst of disorientation.
The piece of understanding that recently came in to amplify that learning was that this fall I had an innate understanding that the space of disorientation was me, and so I didn’t fear it. I was then taken back to the time I left academia with no plan B in sight, and felt myself staring into a dark abyss of an uncertain future. At the time I was drowning in sheer terror. Eventually, however, I got too tired trying to keep my head above water and I let myself sink into the Nothingness. What shocked me at the time was how I was able to breathe “underwater,” and how the quiet really afforded me time to regather and connect to the matter of reorienting myself anew in the world. And in that space of the Void, what my Akashic Records also called the “Buddha space,” I found the expansive ground zero of absolute potential, the boundless space of creativity. Only in the silence and stillness could I feel the subtlest motion of new life to be birthed.
As I remembered all that, the new piece of consciousness that popped in was that “it was all me all along.” I had mistakenly thought that the Void was this place outside my “real life.” But what I fully understand now is that “darkness” was simply my experience of all the unfamiliar parts of myself that I was in the process of re-membering and reclaiming. That is what I instinctively knew this fall, which is why I didn’t fear it.
So my message to you today, from this new place of clarity, is that any time you feel yourself in a period of uncertainty, where you’ve lost your usual coordinates, have no idea who you are anymore, come back to this deep place of knowing (because, on some level in your Brilliant System, you truly do know this) that that formlessness is you. We are simply, naturally, and always in the process of becoming more of who we are, even when it appears we’ve taken a wrong turn or are backsliding. It is only in the fighting and the resisting and the constriction of fear that we suffer.