try to move forward to piece together everything I’ve been sitting with for the last couple months, but I find myself circling back, spiraling again, around an idea of then and now. I keep saying how 2018 was something of an inflection point for me. One of the biggest pieces that clicked in for me right at the start of last year was the feeling of rejoining the table of creation as an equal. Then in December I started downloading a ton of knowing and getting new perspective on my life. All the magic I had called forth with my 2018 mantra came in spades.
When I called in my 2019 manifestation mantra it was with great anticipation and curiosity. But all I kept getting were bits and pieces—hints of the mantra, but nothing that pinged. Oh, how odd, I thought. Here I am teaching others how easy it is to do this, and now for the first time it isn’t coming through in full. And then in February a phrase finally came in, “to live in alignment with Source.” And it scared the pants off me. Too much pressure! So I finessed it to “I align myself with Source,” which felt much more accessible.
And still. My annual mantras had always been a safe haven. But I no longer seek safe haven. I carry it within myself, take it as a given. I don’t feel the need to turn to my mantra, as I had in the past when the work was self healing. And it’s also different from last year’s giddy, playful experiment in infinite possibility. So now this leaves me with mantra as a conscious choice to continuously realign with that expansiveness.
“I align myself with Source” is a choice I make in the NOW moment. I anticipated that it would be this monumental challenge. Ugh, now I have to be “my best self,” on my best behavior all day, every day. But surprisingly, the mantra hasn’t carried the weight of moral imperative. It’s more about integrity and alignment with my center. So it doesn’t feel like reaching higher, but going to the core, the essence of my being, which is always accessible, always steady, always strong and whole in its truth.