This morning I woke up with a little nugget of clarity: I am currently spinning the biggest cocoon for myself that I have ever spun in my whole life. I knew that I’d been sitting in the mystery for some weeks now and had long passed the usual phase of resisting it against my better judgment.
My trip up to Quebec to sit with some trees in a monastery was partly about peeling back some layers, shedding assumptions I’d been carrying around that now feel stale, even ludicrous, because they are that outdated.
The past few weeks it seems that no matter how much “nothing” I do, I still need more of it. I’ve been limiting social interactions and professional obligations and just doing quiet little things for myself. At least that is what it looks like on the surface.
What I have really been doing is asking to know my light. And what that feels like is a conscious unfolding into this field, feeling where the flows and kinks are. It’s fascinating working with the kinks. Questions come up, assumptions. I don’t try to answer the questions so much as let the energy of the inquiry work its way through my Brilliant System.
And then it is just a matter of breathing to let go. It is gentle, gentle work that lets sadness come and go without drama. It’s strange to call it sadness, but that is the closest color I can assign to it right now.
I am learning so many things, topmost of which is how I continue to base certain decisions on some assumption of limitation or fear. They’re not as obvious as they used to be, which is why I need the immense stillness—sacred space, really—around me to notice where I am out of alignment. There are no glaring problems to solve, just kinks to breathe through.
And this is why it is a matter of creating space, rather than measuring time. When I measure time it is easy to slip into a sense of judgment and fight the mystery: “I’ve been at this long enough. Time to do something productive.” Then all my attempts at doing and problem-solving simply end up showing me that…it just isn’t time.
Divine timing remains a mystery to my ego mind, but my soul knows and understands the matter of multidimensional space. I just set the intention to create it and then follow that flow without any planning or efforting.
Today I am grateful that words are finally flowing for me such that I can share a bit of what I have been living. And I thank you for receiving them. Hope you enjoy the photo of the spider resting in the husk of a swamp milkweed pod as much as I do.