No urgency

For the last month I’ve been struggling to put into words how odd it’s been with my manifestation mantra process this year. Yesterday I mentioned how I started off years ago from a place of wanting to fix what seemed broken or fill what seemed missing. Then last year I started living in fullness. That is, 2018 was the first year on my conscious path that I didn’t feel the need to focus on self healing. Which isn’t to say that none happened, but that what healing came did so organically.

This year I’m rebalancing from that new set point, and it was a bit weird finding my learning edge in all that. There is still so much to learn, but there is a keen difference now: the absence of urgency and yearning. 2019 is the first year in decades—decades—that I’ve been able to pull back all my energy from the future and be at #peace in the present. There are things I want to learn, experience, and express, but I feel no pressure to be more or do more, to “play big,” “fulfill my potential,” or achieve success. There is no future yardstick I am holding up to my present self (which doubled as a whip whenever I felt myself come up short). I am not even trying to show up for myself or love myself more. That is not the current work.

“I align myself with Source,” and in doing so I feel the fullness and the wholeness and the completeness and the perfection of the present moment. Was this always in such easy reach? I can’t say, except to observe that whenever I manage to pierce the veil I am struck by how truly thin it is. There was never a mountain to climb, unless I myself placed it there before me.

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