For the last two months I’d been wondering why integration has been such a challenge for me this year. I experienced this most acutely in my Akashic Records work and in my aerial work and training. I knew I was making progress, but it didn’t look like the sort of progress I was expecting, and all the new skills and strength I was developing didn’t seem to be coming together into a coherent whole.
Yesterday, as I was preparing myself to do work in the Records, it hit me: All this learning around integration keeps coming to me because I set the intention, at the beginning of the year, to integrate all that I had learned last year. I had also set a second intention to help others integrate their work with me into their daily lives.
Of course integration is the work in front of me now. I did a ton of learning last year, I’m doing a ton of learning now, and it takes a long time for all that to settle into body, mind, and heart.
From my Question Journal practice, Akashic Records work, and in the context of leading Dreamers & Schemers, I know very well that I teach what I need to learn, I learn what I want to teach, and I always get what I ask for. The gifts rarely look as I expect them to, but those are the best kind. Why did I torture myself by falling into expectation, attachment, and doubt?
For a bit more insight I drew a soul card and was faced with this image:
The ouroboros brings up the ideas of the infinite and eternal, of unity and wholeness. Staring at the card I realized that if I let myself fall into impatience, I feel more like a dog chasing its own tail.
Just last week my work in the Records led me to understand that I was so close to a breakthrough, but that my expectations of what that should look like and my attachment to outcomes were getting in my way. Energetically I felt myself up against a wall blocking me from clarity and wholeness, but at the same time I frustratingly sensed the thinness of that wall: Promise was just inches away from me. I was so close yet so far from peace because of my wall of judgment.
How would I ever surmount it? My guides answer: Take the higher perspective. If I keep banging my head against my expectations of what “mastery” looks like, I miss out on the fifty thousand-foot view. Even though I really wanted to, I didn’t ask how to do this because I already knew the answer: beginner’s mind (soft focus, open mind, open heart).
Now that I’ve managed to shift my perspective on integration and “mastery,” I can stop banging my head against the wall, sit back, witness, and take copious notes on my process (because that’s how I roll). Now I truly feel gratitude for unexpected opportunities, which are always life’s greatest gifts. Little epiphanies such as this fill my heart with joy and return me to my center. It makes the long learning process leading up to the insight more than worth it!
I wish you great peace, fulfillment, and clarity in your learning process. Just remember, you always get what you ask for and prayers do come true in the most unexpected of ways as long as you stay soft and open to receive whatever comes your way.