It’s been forever and a day since I’ve written here, and I can’t give a pat answer for why I haven’t been moved to blog even though I’ve been processing a ton of learning and sharing it elsewhere. Today I drafted an email to my Dreamers & Schemers and thought to share it with any readers, should they be moved to join in on the fun!
Dear Dreamers & Schemers:
I was gonna mention this briefly at the start of our work this evening, but decided on my train ride home that this is something to write generally to everyone. So we’ve been coming together regularly for the last six months, and in this time my intentions have included:
- familiarizing ourselves with our internal landscape
- increasing awareness of and refining our attunement to the energetic motions within us and around us (in others and in our lives)
- practicing the process of personal discernment (and learning to trust that process)
Along these lines, I invite you to sit with the following questions (for journaling, meditation, active reflection, or any other process that feels right/comfortable to you, including tossing it out into the Universe and having the answer come back in a dream, in the shower, or on a billboard you happen to pass):
What is the current motion of my life?
In what way am I going with the flow?
In what way am I resisting it? (What do I gain from resistance? What is the cost of resistance?)
What is the gift of total surrender?
Follow up questions can include more specific action steps:
What internal step can I take to release my fear of surrendering?
What external step can I take in line with this flow?
I’ll go into my own process in further detail when we meet, but here I will briefly share that this summer I’ve noticed that the dominant motion in my life is of increased PRESENCE. I know this in a variety of ways, but it’s most powerfully demonstrated in the fact that the “regular schedule” I kept all winter and spring has been shot to pieces. Every time I try to plan ahead, something happens or something doesn’t sit right in my body, and I only feel absolute peace when I sign up for things at the last minute.
You can imagine how crazy-making this can be, especially if you are (as I am!) a planner by habit (I want to say “nature,” but I’m trying to open myself to change as much as possible). I found, however, that resisting this energy was not only futile, but even *more* crazy-making than simply giving myself over to being the type of person I never thought I would be: a non-planner, a last minute signer-upper, and (gasp!) even a last minute canceler. <— That part is especially shocking to me.
Those are all judgy labels, though. Because from another perspective, I am more footloose and fancy-free than I’ve ever been (the bar was set really low, granted, but I am shooting WAY over it). I am really learning to live in the moment and listen to what my body, mind, and heart are trying to tell me about what will nourish me and what won’t. These are HUGE gifts.
Yielding fully to this energy has required certain internal steps (being OK with not having a firm schedule/appearing flaky; constant checking in with myself), and also external action (asking people if it’s okay that I make a decision at the last minute—sometimes being vulnerable enough to share the reason why; more futzing with online scheduling tools because I don’t automatically schedule things any more / I cancel automatically scheduled classes).
I won’t lie: This is liberating and challenging at the very same time. On balance, however, I’ve felt it is much wiser for me to go with this motion, no matter how wacky it seems to my rational brain and to the outside world. On this point, I should add that my ego is my own worst enemy, because whenever I’ve shared this story with others, I generally don’t receive the judgment I expect and brace myself to receive. Isn’t it interesting how I (we?) can be surprised by compassion?
I hope that you are inspired to consider these questions and wish all of you rich learning and continued growth as we begin leaning into the second half of the year.
Much much love,